In Which Luke Tries His Hand at Writing
by Chibichurro
Summary: Luke attempts to write fanfiction, hilarity ensues. One-sided (on Luke's side) Luke/Jade. Somewhat NSFW-ish because of some dirty language, though nothing really explicit goes down.


It's something I wanted to write out, based on a sort of fever dream I had. Uh… Luke/Jade shipping here, though it's only one-sided (on Luke's side). **Somewhat nsfw-ish**. Nothing really explicit goes down here, but there's some dirty talk.

Background Information: I'm only about five hours into the game, first playthrough, mostly blind-run, right at Kaitzur with my party preparing to meet Anise. I didn't realize just taking a few steps into the town would trigger the cutscene where you get Anise, which is why it sounds like Luke and co. just spent days at Kaitzur before meeting Anise again. Whoops.

Also I took some liberties with Luke and (possibly) Jade's character though they're not completely OOC (I hope). Keep in mind that I'm just starting the game so I have not gotten the chance to really see their respective personalities yet. Uh… on to the story!

Also filed under:  
-Reasons why I should never be allowed to write fanfiction  
-Reasons why I should never be allowed to ship anything ever

* * *

"Hmph, stupid old man!"

Luke angrily flopped stomach-down onto the bed at the inn/rest house at the Border Fortress, Kaitzur. It had been another frustrating day of training, which Jade, their "great and mighty leader" had suggested.

"I don't see why we need so much training" said Luke, turning to lay on his back. "It's not like I need it!" He glared at the inn's plain white ceiling that had blue curtains hanging down from it.

From the very first time he had met with the older man in the Cheagle Woods, Luke had never had a very good relationship with Jade. It was bad enough that Jade had let him and Tear do most of the fighting on the Liger Queen BEFORE stepping in and just blasting it to shreds so nonchalantly, but then to have him arrested and held on the Tarturus after that? Not to mention how snarky Jade was in any conversation towards him. Luke still couldn't forgive him for that whole "_Master_ Luke" bit.

But the worst part was when Jade had his fonic artes sealed by Largo. Because of that, Jade had been forced to join Luke's party. And ever since then fighting enemies out on the field had been a pain in the ass.

Luke couldn't even count all the times he was just about to finish off an enemy, only to have Jade suddenly run in and steal the kill with his Sonic Spear attack.

"Well, you tried your best," Jade would always say, with a slight shrug of his shoulders like it was no big deal.

And then there were those times that Luke was being attacked by Garudas but Jade kept missing with his Energy Blasts.

"Whoops, my hand slipped—you have to forgive this old man."

Of course, Jade said this all with a smirk.

And then there was that time that Luke was about to unleash a Lighting Tiger Blade attack whilst utilizing the Field of Fonons, but Jade's Stalagmite had knocked him out of the fonic circle.

"Well, you tried your best."

And then there was that time that Luke got soaked by Jade's sudden Splash attack from above. And to add insult to injury, the attacked ended up wiping out the last Chirpee.

"Well, you tried your b—"

"RAAAAARGH!" shouted Luke, mentally swatting the memories away. Remembering these things only made him angrier.

"If only I didn't have to see four-eye's ugly mug every single day…" muttered Luke, as he stretched out his arms and legs to assume a more comfortable position on the somewhat uncomfortable rest house bed.

_Well, to be honest, Jade isn't THAT bad looking…_

Luke sat up suddenly, in a sweat. It was that voice again. The tiny voice in the back of his mind. It had appeared suddenly after Luke and his teammates had gotten off the landship Tarturus.

"N-no!" cried Luke, luckily to an empty room. "Jade is definitely not good looking or sexy in any way…"

Thoughts of the older man appeared in Luke's mind again, and when Luke was aware of his surroundings next, his face was buried into a pillow. Luke reached up hesitantly to feel his forehead. His face was burning up.

"Am I sick?" wondered Luke aloud. "Oh great, just what I needed."

Luke sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, taking deep breaths. He needed to calm down. Fortunately, he was the only one in the inn that day. Guy was still out in the field practicing his swordsmanship, Tear was out inquiring the soldiers of Kaitzur about the current situation, and Ion was out walking with Mieu. And Jade… well, who the hell cares about THAT guy.

"I guess I should get started on my diary entry for the day…" sighed Luke, pulling the leather-bound book from his coat pocket along with a slender ink pen. With the pen in hand, Luke began to scratch down some words on the slightly faded brown paper.

"Today was a really boring day," said Luke, narrating what he was writing. "We had some more training today. Uh… what else to write…"

As Luke continued writing lazily, his thoughts kept straying to Jade. Luke brushed them aside in annoyance.

"I guess I'm still mad at him," said Luke. "…Yeah, that's totally what it is."

But the more he tried to keep from thinking about Jade, the harder it was to actually stop thinking about the man. That's when Luke realized that he was blushing again.

"Why do I keep blushing whenever I think of him?!" asked Luke, clasping his face with his hands. "Am I… am I in love with him?"

This sudden revelation brought on a large wave of despair onto the young man… along with fierce denial.

"Nononono that can't be right! I'm a guy and… he's a guy! We're both guys! I shouldn't be having feelings like this for him… He's a crazy, four-eyed man who wears stupid clothes, and… has such lovely red eyes and wonderful brown hair and such slender hands and legs…"

Luke stopped mid-sentence. The heat that had been forming in his stomach suddenly turned downward, and he didn't even have to look down to know what was going on…

"D-dammit!" shouted Luke, smashing the diary onto his crotch in embarrassment. Though it only resulted in him recoiling in pain and falling back onto the bed in a fetal position, the diary clutched to his chest.

"UGH!" shouted Luke. "Of all the people in the world, why did my first love have to be him?!"

Luke sat up on the bed again.

"No, I can't let this get me down! I must power through this!"

With that, Luke jumped off the bed (diary in hand) and took a quick seat at the small rounded table in the room. He slammed his diary open and held the ink pen over a blank page hesitantly.

"When I was just starting this diary…" said Luke, his voice shaking slightly. "Mother told me that the best way to work out my feelings was by writing it out. So that's what I'm going to do."

But how exactly was he supposed to write about this? Luke ended up jabbing his pen into the midst of page, leaving a very large, dark ink blot.

"Oh, dammit all!"

Luke glared at the spot, took another deep breath, and finally started to write.

_I really hate Jade! Or… I thought I did? But now I think I'm actually in love with him? How the hell does that even work?_

Now having a starting point, Luke continued to write steadily. Before he knew it, he had begun writing a story.

Starring none other than Jade and himself.

_The man with ruby-red eyes and dirt brown hair—_

"Wait, that doesn't sound romantic at all!" Luke scratched his head with one end of the pen. He was never a very good story-writer—especially when it came to romance.

_The man with ruby-red eyes and golden-brown hair (even if it isn't actually THAT golden) stared at Luke through his spotless glasses…_

"Wait, why am I writing in third person? I'M Luke. So shouldn't it be "me" instead?"

_The man with ruby-red eyes and golden-brown hair (even if it isn't actually THAT golden) stared at me through his spotless glasses…_

And so on and so forth…

But Luke quickly came upon a problem.

"W-wait," he said, his face glowing red once again. "How do two guys… _do it_?"

Luke wasn't a kid—he knew about the basics of sex and reproduction. Thing A goes into Slot B. But beyond that he was clueless.

* * *

Outside of the sleeping quarters, the two soldiers manning the inn and item shop were at their desks. They were engaged in a very deep conversation… about armor keeping.

"You can't use lemon juice you idiot; that'll rust the armor!" said one.

"Well, how do YOU suggest getting bird crap stains outta this thing?" responded the other. "Freakin' Garudas, man."

Suddenly from within the sleeping quarters, there came a loud, anguished cry.

"BUT WHERE DO THE DICKS GO?!"

The two soldiers stared at each other in a long, awkward silence.

"Is it that red haired runt from before?" asked one hesitantly.

"Yeah, I think so," said the other.

"What the hell was that about?"

"You know… I got nothin'."

* * *

Back in the room, Luke had apparently smashed his face onto his diary.

"H-how in the world does it work?" wondered Luke out loud. "I mean… they have to stick *it* somewhere, right?"

He lifted his head from the page slowly.

"Well, if they need a hole… I guess they have to stick it in… the butthole?!"

Luke shook his head from side to side quickly.

"B-but that sounds kinda gross? And really painful! A-and, there's really only one person who's going to be able to do that right? So then who would it be—"

Luke had yet another revelation when he considered the difference in height between him and Jade.

"…Oh. OH."

He stood up from the table suddenly, knocking his chair over.

"I-I don't think I want that! I mean… I don't know if I'd mind—but still! Plus… where would the other dick go? WHERE WOULD THE OTHER DICK GO?!"

Luke was completely flustered and he knew it. His already mediocre handwriting had been reduced to almost indistinguishable scribbles on the diary page. But even despite all that…

"No! I MUST finish this!" shouted Luke, slamming both fists on the table. "Luke fon Fabre does not leave anything unresolved!"

And he sat back down at the table (after righting up his chair again, of course). And he did.

For some reason, Luke felt very exhausted afterwards. He looked around the room in a bit of a daze. He had no idea how much time had passed.

"Damn inn," muttered Luke. "At least they could have installed a clock."

With that, Luke quickly shut the diary and laid his head on the hard wooden table, and promptly fell asleep.

* * *

Luke knew he probably wasn't out for long, but nonetheless it was long enough. For he couldn't feel the diary under his hand anymore when he woke up.

Luke raised his head up quickly, in a panic. He heard a voice. His worst fears were confirmed.

Someone was reading his diary out loud.

And that someone was…

"_'Oh Jade, you're too kind…' I said as the older man embraced me in a warm… embrace.'_ You're not very good with sentences, are you Luke?"

"…JADE." hissed Luke, who had swung around in his seat to face him. Jade was standing at the other end of the room, in front of the door with the diary opened up in his hands.

As expected, Jade was smirking that typical smirk he always seemed to reserve especially for Luke.

"_'No, I'm actually not that kind… if you know what I mean.'_ Hmm, that doesn't sound very in-character for me, does it? I certainly wouldn't use a silly pick-up line like THAT."

"JADE."

Jade looked up from the diary. Luke had now stood up and was drawing out his sword. He had a murderous look on his face. But that didn't deter Jade from continuing his narration.

"_'Oh, please be gentle with me' I moaned.'_"

"JADE…."

"_'I can't promise you that,' said Jade, flashing a blindingly white smile.'_"

"JADE!"

"_'But before we get down to business, you'll have to arouse me first. And at my age, it's going to take a lot to make *it* rise.'_"

"JADE, STOP."

At this point Luke had started taking slow steps towards the older man, his footsteps echoing in the empty room with each stomp.

"_'And then Jade took my hand and placed it over his crotch—'_"

"JADE SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"Say the magic word," said Jade, briefly turning away from the diary to shoot a grin at the red-faced younger man. Luke's face was as red as his hair now.

"JADE SHUT THE FUCK UP… PLEASE."

"Hmmm, not polite enough, sorry," said Jade, who resumed reading where he left off.

"_'He then proceeded to massage his crotch area with my hand…'_"

Luke felt like he was dying. He couldn't hear most of what Jade was saying anymore because he was only looking for routes of escape now. Jade was blocking the door, so it would be hard to go that way (especially considering how much stronger a fighter Jade was). How about… the window? No, they were barred! Luke was completely trapped like a rappig!

But then another thought hit Luke. He had to get the diary back no matter what. He couldn't let Jade show this to the others. He would never be able to face Tear or Guy again.

"JAAAAAAAAADE!" shouted Luke, like a kind of battle cry as he dropped his sword and just bolted towards the older man, hoping to snatch the book from his hands.

But Jade was far too agile compared to Luke. Jade nimbly dodged Luke by simply side-stepping, causing Luke to crash head-first into the door frame. The impact caused the whole room to shake.

"_'After it was clear that we were both fully aroused, we both started taking off each others' clothes'_…"

Jade had now began to jump around the room, even onto the beds at some points, while dodging Luke's futile attempts to grab the diary back.

"_'I gasped at his significantly more endowed—'_" started Jade, but Luke interrupted with a shout.

"JADE I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU AND DO HORRIBLE THINGS TO YOUR BODY!"

"Luke, I didn't realize you were into that kind of stuff!" replied Jade in an almost sing-song voice.

"THAT'S… T-THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT!"

This chase of sorts continued on a for a few more minutes, until Luke dropped to his knees, exhausted and resigned to his fate. Jade, meanwhile, had somehow ended up almost exactly where he had begun—right by the door.

"_'And then after we were done, we both cuddled on the bed…'_" finished Jade. "Aww, how touchingly saccharine. But of course what else can you expect from a virgin?"

"Oh, and YOU'RE not?" shot Luke, who was still kneeling on the floor.

"Ohoho, Luke boy…" Jade pushed up his glasses before leaning down towards Luke's face. "Do I look like a virgin to you?"

"I…" Luke started, but his voice died in his throat and he could feel the heat rising up in his face again.

"Well, then," said Jade, straightening up. "As… flattered as I am that you feel so passionately about me, I'm sorry to say I can't return your feelings."

Jade held out the diary in his hand towards Luke. Luke stared at it for a few moments before finally taking it back hesitantly, as if Jade had just laid a curse upon the book. Luke's face was still a deep shade of red as he slowly got up off the floor.

"Oh," said Jade. "And hire a writing tutor next time. I think that would really help a lot."

Luke's expression immediately turned from one of shame to one of rage.

"I-I… I HATE YOU! I NEVER REALLY LIKED YOU ANYWAY!"

Luke looked like he was about to cry.

"Y-YOU… YOU STUPID FOUR-EYED FREAK!" he finished.

With that, Luke ran from the room, wailing.

"WAAAAAAUUUUUGHHH!"

Not long after that, a head poked into the room. It was Tear.

"…was that Luke just now?" asked Tear, stepping cautiously into the room. The room was… a mess to say the least.

"Holy… it looks like a hurricane went through here!"

It was Guy. He had just now stepped into the room too.

"Oh dear…"

Ion's voice next. It didn't take long for the Fon Master to step into the room himself.

"We ended up finding Anise so we were looking for you and Luke," said Ion, addressing Jade. "We thought you guys might be at the inn so we dropped by. But it appears that Luke had to leave for some kind of emergency…"

"'Some kind of emergency'?" said Tear. "He looked like he was crying."

"I'd call that 'some kind of emergency'…" said Guy.

"Jaaaaade," said Anise, as she stepped into the now very crowded room. "Did you do something to my precious Luke?"

"Now why would I ever do anything like that?" Jade smirked.

"Somehow I don't really believe you…"

As Anise continued to glare at Jade, the older man simply let out a laugh, while the others stared at each other with puzzled looks.

Luke was nowhere to be found in Kaitzur that day. And he never returned to the inn that whole night either. But surprisingly, the next morning, Luke turned up. Safe, though he looked a little worse for wear. There was a diary clutched in his hands. His friends found out later that there were some inexplicable tears in the book, as if pages had been ripped out. They tried to question Luke about it, though he always changed the subject whenever it was brought up.

What in the world had happened between the two? No one would ever know, as neither of them would ever speak of it again.


End file.
